501 Facts from a Neighbouring Reality

103. Analysis of leftovers in four expensive restaurants in Kensington, London, England, reveals that people don’t really like hollandaise sauce, but do like the sound of themselves ordering Eggs Benedict, the idea of someone having to make them Eggs Benedict and the prospect of other people watching them pretend to like eating Eggs Benedict.

104. The number of calories burnt giggling as a result of gin and tonic is twenty times greater than the number of calories gained from the gin and tonic.

105. There are three separate skin conditions that can be successfully treated with Ketchup, so long as the Ketchup and the skin are both organic.

106. There may soon be random substance testing for parents at child beauty pageants, to detect abnormally high levels of inconceivable delusion.

107. Without the pituitary gland you wouldn’t be able to fret for more than a few seconds.

108. Fish sausages might well be the new foie gras in 2035.

109. Vigorous teeth-brushing is responsible for 84% of the new pin numbers that have to be sent out to bank customers.

110. 31% of the conversations conducted in Holland after 10pm have absolutely no relationship
with reality.

111. Stem cell researchers believe that within 5 years it will be possible to grow a mouse on a Human ear.

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