501 Facts from a Neighbouring Reality

181. 83% of bio-resonance practitioners in southeast Asia believe that 2 billionths of a second after the big bang, 6 of our most useful emotions curled up into infinitely small spheres of illicit quantum aura.

182. Some evolutionists, particularly the ones that have been snowboarding, believe that the next thing will be rubber buttocks.

183. Uri Geller is the only person to have ever received a lifetime ban from The Museum of Cutlery and Silverware, Bognor Regis, UK.

184. If all the world’s duvets were sewn together they would cover the Eiffel tower, creating the world’s largest tent.

185. Flotsam is twice as moreish as jetsam.

186. If any country succeeded in erecting a tent the height of the Eiffel tower, it is believed that some of the other countries would spend almost the entirety of their annual military budget trying to erect a bigger one.

187. If the proton in a hydrogen atom really was a watermelon at the centre of the earth, and the electron really was a tiny spray of lemon juice somewhere in the upper atmosphere, then most of what Stephen Hawking has ever written could be debunked by a TV celebrity chef.

188. 86% of the uses of the phrase ‘I am humbled by….’ in acceptance speeches ought to have been ‘my throbbing sense of self-importance has been dangerously inflamed by….’

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