501 Facts from a Neighbouring Reality

223. The number of people that have ever entered an IKEA store is significantly greater than the
number of people that have left.

224. A Cranial Sacral Therapist in England alarmed the readers of The Swindon Chronicle in 2004 by claiming that the stress of modern-day life combined with GM crops had caused most of his patients’ spinal fluid rhythms to become syncopated, and that some had even regressed down to a relaxed foxtrot.

225. Peckishness can bend light.

226. In 1968, eight eyewitnesses in St. Petersburg, Russia, two of whom were sober, swore on their grandmothers’ eyes that they once saw a cat give birth to a pregnant kitten during an eclipse.

227. Bearded people struggle to appreciate irony.

228. The man who first classified dolphins (which live with fish, smell like fish, swim like fish and look like fish) as mammals, also believed that he might be some sort of moth because he liked to blend in at parties.

229. ‘q’ is the least aerodynamic letter.

230. The greatest number of times someone has used the word ‘opulence’ in the same sentence without contrivance is 43.

231. The first application of genetic engineering on humans is expected to be an ‘undo’ button on heads of state.

232. A former Miss World who, as a publicity stunt, went back to college in 2008 to ‘learn about intelligence’, cried during a lecture on prime numbers because she ‘knew that they must be lonely.’

233. If a soccer player had his feet surgically swapped around, he would send the goalkeeper the wrong way 45% more often than before.

234. The only reason parsnip cake didn’t achieve the same global success as it’s cousin is that a powerful South American drugs baron in the 1970’s was known as ‘The parsnip.’

235. There is a variety of gooseberry that is so tart some people have broken their own jaw trying to eat one.

236. One year, the trophies for first, second and third place in the Tour de France were presented to the cyclists on stools because they were unable to stop pedalling.

237. If someone from Limerick, Ireland, tells you that they haven’t been stabbed in the last two years, they are probably about to stab you.

238. A newt casserole tastes a lot like earl grey tea.

239. Quinoa can be used as bait to catch self-absorbed fish.

240. In 2009 the number pi briefly materialized as a small living creature when an engineer at the Tevatron particle accelerator, USA, dropped his doughnut into it just as they were warming it up.

241. An economist in New Zealand has openly stated that poverty could be eradicated if rich people gave some of their money to poor people.

242. There are enough toxins in a teabag to kill a newt.

243. 45% of those accused of ‘thinking they all that’ just want to be loved but don’t know how to show it.

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