501 Facts from a Neighbouring Reality

295. Whatever the survey, whatever the research, whatever the testing, if the result is exactly ‘26%’ you can be 93% confident that it’s rubbish.

296. No one has ever managed to take a picture of a walrus wearing a fedora.

297. Some biologists assert that we must have a sixth sense, otherwise we wouldn’t be able to sense the fizz in carbonated drinks.

298. In 2008 a pharmacy in Wolverhampton, England, had to change it’s slogan ‘Caring for our Customers’ after a cleaner managed to record a staff meeting in which everyone present admitted that they didn’t really care about anyone.

299. If the Earth was the fourth planet from the Sun, daytime TV presenters would be too
intolerable for life to exist, but only just.

300. Monkeys and humans behave identically in a sauna.

30. 1 Kidnappers in Columbia, who followed through with a threat to a world-renown surgeon in 1982 that they would send back a part of his wife for every day that he did not pay the ransom, were surprised three years later to discover that he had been putting her back together piece by piece as she arrived, until she was able to inform the police where the rest of her was being imprisoned.

302. Flamingos can’t see clouds.

303. In 2001, roughly half the English graduates from the University of Bedfordshire, England, admitted that they went out of their way to wantonly split infinitives in exam papers just to annoy a particularly patronising lecturer.

304. ‘Feeling Swell’ by Nancy Bagley, Maine, USA, attained an Alcock and Whittaker award in 2010 for the worst use of the word ‘dropsy’ in a poem.

305. 1 in every 5 road signs in the Republic of Ireland makes little or no sense.

306. Alcock and Whittaker has been voted the ‘least relevant’ literary body for seven consecutive years.

307. 87% of people who begin a sentence with ‘well if you ask me….’ know deep down in their soul that nobody ever will.

308. Yuri Gagarin had ten toes but did not have the same number of toes on each foot.

309. At your current age, you are statistically certain on at least one occasion to have read a sentence which ends in the word ‘wobbly.’

310. 82% of cases of unrealistic expectations in relationships can be blamed on the emotive change to a slightly higher chord roughly 4/5 of the way through love songs.

311. There is a small community in Jordan that applies mascara liberally to their camels just
because it looks funny.

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