312. The 2012 finest vegetable prize at an annual country fair in Cornwall, England, was
controversially awarded to a farmer whose turnip reminded one of the judges a little bit of Bruce Willis.
313. 100 apples a day for 2 weeks will ensure at least 2 doctors have to stay fairly close to you for
the following month.
314. The greatest problem with the first colour televisions was people running headlong into them shouting ‘take me too.’
315. If the letter ‘g’ were 30% more ergonomic it would cut newspaper printing costs by about 10%.
316. If, whilst driving, the frequency of your intermittent windscreen-wipers exactly coincides with the tempo of the music you’re listening to, you either are about to be, or have just been, abducted by aliens.
317. 12% of what a student learns at the beginning of a physics degree course will no longer be true by the time they graduate.
318. 29 coroners worldwide recorded ‘twerking’ as a cause of death in 2013.
319. An analysis of maps produced around the world reveals that 23% of countries have had themselves digitally enhanced to look more lush and inviting.
320. Leonardo Da Vinci set fire to his uncle’s head in 1501 whilst trying to invent a heated wig.
321. Geothermogastrobriety’ (describing the act of resisting the incessant urge to eat a volcano) failed to make it into the Oxford English Dictionary because scholars insisted that it’s sole occurrence in an internet video which went viral did not count as ‘common usage.’
322. Existential wind tunnel experiments suggest that vacuums might be quite fond of nature.
323. There is enough energy in a peanut to enable you to blink continuously for 14 minutes.
324. A state-funded organisation protecting the rights of minority groups in Iowa, USA, was forced to defend ‘The True Congressional Brotherhood of Xenophobic Flower Arranging’ in court in 2014 because it satisfied all the criteria required to be regarded as a minority group.
325. Despite the lack of a body, a man was found guilty by a Tennessee court in 1869 of murdering his wife, based principally on the accounts of two key witnesses, one who related overhearing him say he ‘liked his bacon the same way he liked his women’, and the second testifying that he liked his bacon a bit burnt.
326. Laxatives, if taken in sufficiently large quantities, will make a person 14% more attractive to the opposite sex.
327. Some evolutionists are adamant that a chicken omelette came before the chicken and the egg.
328. If the DNA of a swan could be successfully grafted to the DNA of a giraffe, the resulting life
form would be infinitely tall.
329. You are 88% certain to get away with a brazen cheat at cards if your parents are a mix of either Turkish, Irish or Australian.